What do you mean – I can’t appear? What did I do? It’s only Day 4 and I’m supposed to introduce this! Oh… the nibble on Brian’s Carrot thing? But you wrote that! But… fine… we’ll try again tomorrow. You would like me to introduce Brian’s Carrot to the good people of the world in a firm, straight way. No warm up, just straight in. OK….
So – Jack is on the run from Aunt Boris after selling their cow for some cookies. Aunt Boris has caught up with Jack and Stan – a talking Frog – and to make their escape (that’s Jack and Stan, not Aunt Boris) they leapt onto the impossibly fast growing plant that technically is now Jack’s as he sold the cow for the cookies that spawned this thing. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to start carefully looking at Brian’s carrots…
“JACK! GET DOWN HERE!!” cried Aunt Boris.
“No fear!” replied Jack “You look mean and angry!”
“Well, I’ve just met a man who told me that he had bought himself a cow for the price of two ginger biscuits! He couldn’t believe anyone could be that stupid – and I agreed; Bourbon biscuits would have made more sense! Then I saw Daisy – who still had her ‘If lost please return me to my owner’ sticker. Well I reasoned carefully with him and when the bruises go down he’ll realise he did quite well. Now come down so I can reason with you!”
“Umm… bit of a problem” called down Jack, his voice getting ever fainter, “I can’t”
“What do you mean?” replied Aunt Boris.
“The plant is growing faster than I can climb down…..”
Jack did say something else – but the plant grew at such a rate that Aunt Boris couldn’t hear a word.
“Come on Daisy” said Aunt Boris “Let’s go home and see if you can pick the numbers for this week’s lottery.”
Up, up, up and up a bit more, Jack and Stan were sat on a leaf as the plant shot straight up into the sky.
“Well, this is interesting” said Jack.
“Quite” replied Stan. “These plants only usually grow in humid climates.”
Eventually the plant went through the cloud layer – and stopped. In front of them was a large platform and a sign hung above it saying “Welcome”.
“Well, that’s quite incredible” said Stan. “This plant miraculously grew in exactly the right spot to exactly the right height that we could find this welcoming platform.”
“Well, it would have been pretty embarrassing if we had shot up into a bathroom” replied Jack. “Not to mention a nightmare for the set designers.”
“But it’s all white!” said Stan.
“Thank you – I’m glad you approve” said a voice.
“No – I mean this is all white – there’s not a sign hanging above the platform like Pant-o-mime said there was.”
“Oh, that… well, we needed the set a day early and there wasn’t enough paint.”
Jack turned round. In front of him all he could see a small wall with two mugs and a pie. Oh, and two eyes just above the pie. Then, something moved out from behind the wall.
“A talking Duck!!”
“Why is everyone so surprised about this?” said the Duck.
“Tell me about it” said Stan.
“A talking Frog!” replied the talking Duck.
“Oh… I see why this would get annoying said Jack. I’m Jack.”
“But you’re a girl” replied the Duck.
“No”, replied Jack, “I’m a boy.” Jack turned away to quietly face the duck. “Look, it’s the rules; a girl has to play the leading boy. It’s the rules of pantomime…”
Duck nodded and coughed.
“Hello Jack. I’m Jemima.” replied the Duck. “Have some tea and cake.”
“Why were you hiding behind the cake?” asked Stan.
“I’m a Peking Duck” Replied Jemima.
“What are you doing up here?” asked Jack.
“Well, the Ogre that lives up here likes the eggs that I make each day, so he keeps me here so I can lay eggs for his breakfast. He also has them for his lunch and tea too.”
“Are they that good?”
“Well, they’re made of gold – which is nice; but they have are always a perfect cube shape.”
“Oh,” replied Stan, “So he has three square meals a day!”
“That’s got to hurt though” said Jack thoughtfully.
“Well, they do make my eyes water a little” replied Jemima. “Look, have one.”
Jemima moved and there was a perfect gold cube. Jack was amazed.
“All we have to do is get it down there and Aunt Boris’ worries will be over.” Said Jack. “Now, how do I…”
“Quick, he’s coming!” cried Jemima and with a swift kick knocked the egg over the edge.
“We’d better hide” said Stan.
“Yes,” said Jack “– but where; no-one’s drawn a hiding place yet!”
Today’s advent treat:
The wall with the mugs and the pie. I’m going to assume that this is supposed to be hot chocolate and some christmas pie – but because I’ve got JAck and Stan up in a cloud land somewhere I guess it doesn’t really work for me. But pies and mugs are always useful – wasn’t there a policeman in last year’s advent story that kept breaking mugs…?